If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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