Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
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