I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
It's rum buckets o'clock
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
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