I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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