I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize