Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize