I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
