Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
