I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize