Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
