I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize