id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
