Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
