how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
