Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Randomize
