Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
