Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
