yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
