I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
