Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
