I swear god or herbie drove my car home
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
