Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
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