honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
