You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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