if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
This is classic penis vs brain.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Randomize
