Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
My vagina is officially offended.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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