Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
