you guys were way drunker than both of me
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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