i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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