How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
