Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize