Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
