so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
