ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
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