East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
