Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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