he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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