Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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