i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
