You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
