so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
