"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
even my farts smell like vagina
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
