Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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