Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
This beer is not sobering me up at all
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
