Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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