Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
