After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
