I can't breathe out the right side of my face
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
