Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
