I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
