fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize