i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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