sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Randomize