i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
