My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
