he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize