the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
