her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Randomize
