After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Sex in the backyard? Check.
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